Beginnings
by Memory Bleeds
Summary: Laurent never understood the Cullens' respect for human life, until one question changed everything: "Don't you know someone you'd be willing to die for?" Laurent/OC CHAPTER 3 REWRITTEN!
1. Chapter 1

Chance Meeting

She sat crossed legged on the floor of the clearing, strange objects, and a wooden star—a pentagram—in front of her. A candle was placed at the point of each. Sadly, gently, she pulled a lock of red hair from her pocket. Her own black hair floated south on the breath of the wind. She closed her eyes and began to find her center.

Laurent sauntered silently through the woods. He didn't like being here, it reeked of some strange creature, like a mixture of wet dog, and burning flesh. He didn't understand why Victoria would want anything to do with the human girl. It was her mate that had killed James. He shook his head. It was something he had promised and the sooner he found her, the sooner he could go back to Alaska. He liked the Denali clan, although their diet was a little much. He hadn't hunted in days. _I think I shall spare the girl her fate with Victoria. It should be enough for her that she is dead, she doesn't need to torture her for being alive. And I am thirsty. _He hadn't caught her scent yet, but he was near the town. He would find her. The wind changed, blowing south. His head jerked north. _What is that? _It was intoxicating…human. Forgetting the girl, he raced north.

She began to sing, softly, then louder, random notes that solidified into a familiar song. She felt the world shit around her and suddenly she was no longer sitting still, in the clearing. She was crouching underground, nursing four young rabbits, her children, cowering from the scent of a predator. She was in the trees, frozen as a squirrel, sensing the same danger. Her sense of self expanded until it lived among the trees, in the earth the air, and reached inside the minds of animals. She became unfocused. Everything was afraid. The rabbits, the squirrels, even the hawk in the oak tree half a mile away. She tried to clear her mind, only to be pulled back towards her own body. She pushed her mind outward once more. She sensed something… different. She was no longer fearless prey, but a lethal predator, racing quickly through the trees her spirit so often inhabited. She smelled the scent of her prey, so near now, longed for blood. She was close, she could hear it singing. She slammed back into her own body with the knowledge that she was being watched. Still slightly at one with the forest, she could feel it standing just inside the treeline. Not now, not yet.

"If you are here to kill me, I must ask you to wait a few minutes. This is rather important."

Laurent POV

"If you are here to kill me, I must ask you to wait a few minutes. This is rather important." _What?_ The absurdity of the comment caused me to laugh out loud, then the full strangeness of it hit me.

"Well, then, if I am to oblige you, I feel inclined to ask how you knew I was here." I stepped outside of the trees, into blinding sunlight. A girl sat in the center of the meadow, her back to me, black hair floating on the breeze. _That smell…_ I controlled myself, waiting for an answer, expecting her to run. She didn't even turn.

"I sensed you. The animals are afraid, then I heard you hunting me."

Insanity.

"Why didn't you run? Why wait?"

"It wouldn't make much of a difference, now would it?" _What is she? How does she know what I am? Does she know what I am?_

"You could not have heard me hunting you. I am too quiet for your hearing."

At this she relaxed her posture, then swiveled to face me. Her eyes were a startling blue as she glared at me. She was…_irritated? _I was here to kill her and she was _irritated?_ It had been so long since I had been human, but even I knew this was a ridiculous reaction. Her voice held an air of removed annoyance.

"If I explain how I heard you, will you allow me to finish before you kill me?''

"If you explain why you are not upset at the fact that I am here to kill you, perhaps." I couldn't help it. She rolled her eyes, then looked…sad. At least that was normal.

"We'll start with the first. Perhaps 'hearing' isn't the right word. I sensed you, just as I sensed the animals, the trees, the forest. I'm a wiccan, a druid, a witch, if you will." She gestured to the odd assortment of objects about her. I recognized a pentagram. _Just when I thought I'd heard everything. _"You really shouldn't look so surprised. It's hypocritical, anyway—"

"_Pardon?!" _I am not used to humans being sarcastic or critical of me. Hateful, scared, yes, but this casual reference to my lack of humanity? Unbelievable.

"You are not human. Obviously. I have no idea what the hell you are, but that much is clear. You were hunting me, you smelled me, even the predators in the woods are afraid of you. Those are not human attributes. As I was saying, I am a wiccan. I was performing a ritual, one that I must ask you to allow me to complete, and in order to do so, I needed to center myself. I also needed to pull power from the earth. It is something I excel at. When I center myself, I not only find my center, but that of everything around me. Thus, I can tap into the life source of the forest, and sense the thoughts of the animals, and plants—"

"Plants have thoughts?"

"After a fashion, yes. They are not really understandable. At any rate, I sensed that all the animals were afraid, and then I sensed you. You were hunting something, you smelled something. You-you wanted—blood." She stammered. _At last! A normal reaction! _She shook her head, then looked at me sadly. "It doesn't matter, anyway, but that's how I sensed you coming."

"And why didn't you run? Why aren't you running now? Or using some kind of magic?" She snorted. We were discussing her imminent demise and she was laughing at me. I resisted the urge to kill her, resisted that ambrosial smell the wind carried from her black hair.

"First off, you obviously don't know much about magic, and second, we've been over the fact that I know I can't outrun you." She looked me over, up and down, lingering on my face. Then she met my eyes. Her eyes really were stunning, like some kind of sapphire, but milky. I shook my head and she looked away, sad again.

"I'm not upset, as you asked, because I have already resigned myself to my own death." _Well. Resigned herself to her death. That was fast._

"That was fast." I smiled at myself, despite the fact that this conversation was getting ridiculous. She frowned.

"I wasn't referring to you. This ritual. It will kill me." Now there was something I hadn't considered.

"Aren't there easier ways to commit suicide?" She frowned at me again. She looked better when she was laughing at me, laughing in the face of death. Humans were really ridiculous. She was here to end her life? How very…stupid. Why? Life was so fragile, I was proof of that.

"I'm not committing suicide. My friend was diagnosed with aggressive, terminal pancreatic cancer. I'm going to save her."

"What? How can you save her from… that is a type of disease, true?"

"One of the worst. And I am simply exchanging life force. I assume the cancer myself, and grant her my own life force. The cancer, plus the loss of life force, will kill me in a few days. Or weeks. I'm not familiar with the process. Few have performed it successfully. I'm the only one I know with enough power to do it."

"Why are you doing this?" She looked at me.

"Don't you know anyone you'd die for?" A vague memory whispered in my mind, but it disappeared like mist. A human memory.

"Seems like a strange idea to me. One life for another. What is the difference?" She looked almost angry.

"The difference? Sari's an amazing person! She could do so much more with her life than I ever could! And the Goddess is just going to take it _away?_ Her brothers have already lost their parents, they need their sister! It doesn't make any sense!"

"What makes you think her life is worth more than yours?" She glared at me.

"It's none of your business. What do you care? You're here to kill me. "

"I'm simply curious." _What indeed. She was nothing to me. A meal. A very interesting meal…_"If your goddess sees fit to end her life instead of yours, aren't you saying that you know better by taking her place?" Sighing, she twisted her hair around her fingers.

"The fact that this ritual exists proves that the Goddess thinks of life the same way you do. One of us will die of cancer. A life for a life." She looked sad again, wistful. "It's probably good you're here. Pancreatic cancer…it's painful." _She's going to die to save her friend, is faced by a vampire who thirsts for her blood, and she's afraid of _pain? I laughed.

"I'm glad this amuses you. Goddess, what _are _you?" I was almost hurt by the disgust in her voice. I shrugged. What did it matter?

"I'm a vampire." Her eyes widened. Then she looked me over once more. I looked at her while she inspected me, searching for proof of my vampirism. She was striking. I couldn't say she was beautiful, at least not by vampire standards, but her eyes, they were captivating. And her hair, so dark, it flowed like liquid down to her back. She seemed so delicate, so fragile, almost enveloped by that black hair. Her skin practically glowed in comparison, nearly as white as mine, but far more…_alive._ I realized that she had finished her inspection and was watching me watch her. Had I been human, I would have flushed as they do when embarrassed.

"Go ahead. Finish your ritual." She looked at me, almost grateful.

"Thank you."

She crossed her legs again, then turned away. I walked over so I was facing her. She closed her eyes. Softly, she began to sing. Her voice was low, beautiful. It reminded me of a river. She began to light the candles, singing words in a strange language. As she lit the last one, she reached for a knife at the bottom of the pentagram. Before I could even think, she sliced her hand open. I nearly lost all control. The smell….I wanted her more than any human I ever had met. Bound by my word, I managed to sit like I had been carved of stone. But desire was all that filled my mind as she picked up the lock of red hair in the center of the star. Desire nearly overpowered me as she gripped it in her wounded hand, setting the hair down again, covered in her own blood. Her voice grew louder and I realized that the desire for her blood was accompanied by an entirely different desire. The realization turned my skin to fire. Suddenly, I felt weak. The animals in the forest went silent. The hair turned to ash in a blaze of fire. She collapsed against the ground.

The ritual was over. I crossed to her in an instant. I wasn't after her blood, although the desire for it filled me. I cradled her in my arms. Her eyes fluttered open. She smiled weakly.

"Sari will live now." She looked up at me, then at my arms surrounding her. A sudden resignation filled her face. I waited for the horror, the fear. It didn't come. All I saw was slight apprehension. Her blood dripped onto my skin, burning me. Those eyes…

"You're going to kill me now." It wasn't a question. Suddenly, I hated myself. Suddenly I wished to whatever higher power might exist that I could do something to help her, I wished that she could not be disgusted by me, not fear me. I wished to her goddess that I could comfort her. Those eyes were impossible to lie to.

"Yes." A tear was stillborn in her eyes. I couldn't bear it.

I couldn't think. I was a monster. This beautiful woman had given her life willingly for her friend. What right did I have to take it?

"It's okay, you know." _What?_ My shock must have registered in my face, because she continued weakly, "It's okay. You have to survive somehow. My life is forfeit. I guess there is such thing as a free lunch," she tried to laugh, but seemed to not have enough breath. "I guess I was wrong about the couple days part. I think I'm dying…doesn't make sense but then again, what does?" She paused. "Funny, I feel so…young. Too young. Strange." _I hate myself._

"How young are you?" The sound of my voice surprised me. How could I sound so calm, so effortlessly melodic when I felt like ripping my own heart out?

"I'm twenty." _Twenty. Twenty years old. She seemed so much older than I in my two hundred years. _"I know I don't look it. Most people don't know it by looking at me." There was so much I wanted to know…

"What's your name?" She stared at me in open shock.

"Fiona." Pause. "Yours?"

"Laurent."

"Laurent, I don't think I will last much longer. Um, if that's, you know, important." It was my turn for open shock.

"You telling me that I am running out of time to kill you?" She _smiled. _Beautiful.

"Waste not." Her smile faltered. I wanted her to smile again. "Will it hurt?" I remembered my own death, suddenly, it occurred to me. A strange elation filled me, countered by concern. Again, I couldn't lie to her.

"Yes, it will. I'm sorry." She flinched.

"Don't be. We all have to die sometime. I'm actually glad I'm not dying alone." She flushed. "I-I don't know why I said that." The desire for her blood suddenly was obliterated by the other desire.

"You're beautiful." I had no idea what her expression was. It went beyond shock. I couldn't restrain myself anymore. I lowered my lips.

To hers.

She stiffened for a moment, completely surprised. Then I felt the most strange and exhilarating thing in my two hundred years.

She was kissing me back.

After a few seconds, she fell back with a gasp.

"Laurent, I'm… I'm dying. Now." I kissed her again. Those eyes. I hated that they would change.

"No, you're not."

I lowered my lips to her throat.

Never in all my long years had I imagined such a struggle. This torture and ecstasy rolled into one impossible task. Her blood filled my mouth, the intoxicating smell nearly driving me insane with desire, the taste alone…Her gasp of pain brought my purpose back to my mind. _I must stop. I'll kill her. _Oh, but the _taste!_ I opened my eyes and forced myself to look at her face. It was like a knife in the heart. She looked so frail, I could see the life draining from her, I could see the pain and fear in those blue eyes…I closed my lips, still pressed against her neck. A familiar voice helped pull me from temptation.

"Laurent! _What have you done?" _


	2. Predator, Prey

Bella POV

I struck out several times from the original starting point, each time having to return and try again. Finally, things started to look familiar, and the bright green of sunshine streaming through the trees ahead signaled that I had found the meadow. I held my breath, not sure what to feel as I walked fast, tripping over a root in my haste. I hit my knees hard, my palms covered themselves with dirt as I braced myself against the fall. Stupid gravity. _Wait a minute…Are those voices? _ I stood and brushed myself off, listening. Yes, there were voices up ahead. Two. One was too soft to really understand, but the other….it was strangely beautiful. A warning started to whisper in my mind, but I crept closer to my meadow, feeling violated by their intrusion on what was almost a sacred place to me, like they were trying to replace Edward as the last thing I saw here. I came to the edge of the trees when I saw them. I recognized him, the vampire from James' coven… Laurent. Then I realized that he was kneeling over a girl. Wait, not kneeling, _biting._ The words were out before I could think about the advisability of interrupting a vampire's meal.

"Laurent! _What have you done?"_ Even as I spoke, he was pulling away from her. At the sound of my voice he whipped about to face me. Recognition lit his eyes. His red eyes. _Blood red…_

"You…Bella…" he looked down at the girl, a weird expression softening his features. "I swear, it's not what you think. She was—I couldn't just let her die. I couldn't." He was pleading with me. He was afraid. _Of me? No…he thinks they—_I gasped a little, the hole in me threatening to swallow me whole, _he thinks they are still here. I'm dead if he figures out they are not._

"I swear, I wasn't going to—well, I was, but then she spoke to me, I just couldn't—please, I just want to make sure she's okay." What on earth was he talking about? All of a sudden, the girl in his arms moved. She jerked and cried out n pain. Laurent seemed to forget about me momentarily and I briefly toyed with the idea of running like hell. _Like that would make a difference._

"Fiona. Shhh, shh…" Well, that was just weird. _Hasn't anyone ever told him not to name his food? _spat a cynical part of my mind. The woman-Fiona- screamed, then spoke.

"Laurent? Laurent, it _hurts. Please, _stop it!" I understood suddenly what Laurent had been trying to say.

"You _turned her?"_ I wasn't really sure if this was worse than outright killing her or not. Laurent ignored me anyway.

"Fiona, I know, shh, It will only hurt for a while. I'm so sorry, I'm sorry."

Fiona screamed again, louder and her face seemed to turn white.

"What happening? Oh, Goddess, Laurent, please make it stop! Please!"

"I can't, I can't. You are turning… I bit you, so that…so that you could become like me." Fiona did not look comforted by this information. Inside, I shuddered. _This is what I wanted to…_I instantly regretted that chain of thought as the pain assailed me, threatening to crush me. I sank to the ground. I focused on Laurent and Fiona.

"Laurent, why did you…why are you here?" Laurent, seeming to remember I was here, looked briefly at me, then turned back to the girl, cradling her like a child.

"I was looking for you."

"_What?"_ Aw, shit. Why did I seem to attract every dangerous thing within a hundred miles?

"Victoria…she wanted revenge for James. Look, I know you must be terrified of me, but I…I understand now. I understand better….I can't..I can't live like this anymore, not now," he gazed at Fiona's pale, tortured face. "Listen, I need to get her to a safe place. The—transformation—takes three days…we're too exposed here. Would your mate and his coven be willingly to shelter us? I swear, I shall live by their rules. I must." The pain tore at me with the words 'your mate.' Fiona screamed again.

"They're not here," I blurted out. _Well, hopefully he's telling the truth about not hunting humans. Otherwise…_Laurent looked panicked.

"Where did they go? Why are you here? Weren't you a pet of theirs?" I chose not to be offended by this and continued being stupidly honest.

"I do not know where they are. They left me here…" I trailed off, shutting my eye tightly, willing the tears to stay back, willing that awful void inside of me to fill. Of course, they didn't. Laurent Looked at me, considering. Was that sympathy?

"I do not know how this shall work. I have never changed a human before. I had hoped for your leader's aid. Where can I take her so that we are not found? There is a strange smell here…I don't want to stay." I steadied myself.

"Their house…it's still there. No one will find you there."

Relief flooded his red eyes. He gathered Fiona tenderly in his arms. It was then I realized he loved her. _That's ridiculous. He probably just met her!_ …'_That's the usual reason anyone changes another. Loneliness.' _Tears escaped my eyes and poured down my cheeks as I remembered Edward telling me the story of how Carlisle changed him. Laurent looked at me pityingly.

"Would you like to come with us? I must speak with you about Victoria…she's intent on vengeance. I can protect you…" I was already shaking my head. _Besides the fact that I don't want to run off with a bloodthirsty vampire who, until recently, would have leapt at the chance to eat me…_

"I can't. I just—can't go there. Besides, my father would wonder where I am." I was getting really tired of that pitying look. Damnit! Why couldn't he take his new friend and leave me the hell alone? Why would he care anyway? He seemed about to respond when his head jerked up.

"Good lord…it can't be…" I followed his gaze to the tree line. I couldn't believe my eyes. It should've have been a bear, but there was no mistaking that head and that body. But there was _no way_ a wolf could get that big. Laurent didn't waste his time gawking. He was gone in an instant. The wolf tore after him. Four more followed the first, each as impossibly huge as their leader. The last was the largest, a russet colored beast that would've been beautiful if it wasn't capable of ripping my head from my shoulders. It looked at me. It was all I could do to not collapse in fear. _Maybe it can't see me if I don't move…like in Jurassic park._ But no. It looked me right in the eyes. There was something familiar about those eyes. Almost intelligent, or sentient. Almost human. Then it was gone.

I fell to ground, shaking and crying out of fear and loss.


	3. Gone

Fiona POV

I have no idea why I did it. I have often been accused of insanity, enough that perhaps the accusations held water. This might clinch it. Kissing my killer. Well, kissing a killer at any rate, technically I was my own killer. And a vampire to boot! Of course, maybe the ritual had gone wrong and driven me insane, and I was imagining everything. That seemed like a better explanation. Otherwise, I, Fiona O'Malley, the girl whose incredibly high standards and strange lifestyle had prevented me from ever kissing anyone, was stopping on the very brink of death to make out with a deadly, albeit very attractive, vampire. Maybe it was beI felt a very distinct change in my heart rate, like a drummer unable to find a beat. For the first time, I felt afraid.

"Laurent. I-I'm dying. Now." Yes. Definitely insane. But not as insane as what he said next.

"No you're not." I didn't have time to think over his words as he kissed me once more and sank his teeth into my throat.

The only thing I could think about from that moment on was pain.

At first, the burning fire in my veins was slow and faint enough that I could just hear Laurent pleading with a stranger nearby. After a few seconds, I was too far gone to care. The pain the ritual had cost me, the weakness, the sudden onslaught of death, was nothing compared to this. I had once broken three ribs, my left and leg after "falling down the stairs." I would gladly have bounced down every flight of stairs in the Washington Monument rather that feel this horrible acid take the place of my blood. Even during broken bones, cuts and bruises, I hadn't screamed or cried from pain in ten years. Now, I shamelessly screamed my pain out to the only person I could think would hear.

"Laurent!" I felt something cold against my searing skin, although it did nothing to assuage the torture of this slow death. I was suddenly furious with the vampire. He had said it would hurt, but he hadn't mentioned THIS. I was furious with myself too, for allowing it to happen, although I hadn't really had a choice. I screamed again as I felt every part of me turn to ash inside my flaming body. Through the agony that had now reached every nerve in my brain, I heard Laurent's musical voice soothing me, telling me I was turning into one of them. A vampire. I felt that register to some part of my mind that wasn't completely gone to the madness of the pain, as if anything could be important anymore, anything besides making it stop. I screamed, cried and begged for him to stop it, to simply kill me, but I wasn't even sure if I was speaking out loud anymore. I was lost in pain. I was aware somehow, of my surroundings turning into a whirring blur of colors, searching unconsciously for the fire I seemed to be lying in. If my mind had been at all rational, I would have been wondering why we were moving, and how on earth we were moving this fast. But rationale was completely foreign to this fire world. I wondered how I was still alive and then it hit me. I was in hell. I never believed it existed but I must be in hell! There would be no escaping this! I bellowed a sound so animalistic, so horribly fitting to this world of pain that I felt something shudder. Laurent, carrying me. Oh. I wasn't in hell then. I screamed again, assaulted by the intensified pain, now attacking my lungs. I begged for the cancer, for the life-draining power of the ritual, to beat this strange death to the punch, but no help was forthcoming. Then, as instinctual as retreat, I remembered my power. I reached deep inside myself and tried to find a center, my own, calm essence, in the midst of the fire. But I couldn't concentrate. The pain, the torturous fire! NO! With a force of will and a knowledge that only comes with years of practice, I flew to that inviolable part of myself, my center, and slammed my walls shut against the fire. But I could still feel it. I was still burning! My body was being destroyed, my soul trapped inside it like a foil-wrapped baked potato! I gave up all thought at this moment, my last refuge desecrated by pain. In an unthinking act of pure bestial instinct, I fled my body. I seeped into the forest around me like blood spilled upon the needle-covered floor. Fiona O'Malley was gone.

Laurent POV

Nothing in all my wildest dreams had prepared me for this sort of fear. I had come across many kinds of loathsome monsters in my long life, but to have a real threat, this was new. As I ran faster than what had seemed my limit, I tried to find the sense in it. The Children of the Moon were all but extinct, and these? These were out in broad daylight! But there was no denying these were no ordinary wolf pack. The russet colored one was gaining on me, charging at unbelievable speeds. I shifted Fiona's writhing form in my arms, thanking fate she wasn't strong enough yet to slow me down. I couldn't let them take her. Suddenly, I was aware that I was no longer being chased. I almost stopped in astonishment to look behind me, but common sense told me to keep running. I listened, but could only hear a frustrated howling, at least a mile behind me now. _Why would they stop?_ I suddenly wondered if there was another wolf pack in these woods and if I had crossed in a more dangerous territory. Was this why the Cullens had fled? Their strange house came into view. Hearing nothing, smelling no scent of the wolves, not even a faint trace as I had before their arrival, I continued at a more cautious pace. Fiona let out a fresh scream which would have stopped my heart had it been beating. I moved into the house.

It was as the girl—Bella—had said. The coven hadn't been here for months, that was clear. I didn't waste time looking around. Choosing the most sheltered room in the house, the master suite from the looks of it, I set Fiona on the floor. She had stopped screaming, but was still twisting in agony, her eyes roving wildly. I had no idea how to proceed. Did I wait now? Was there anything I could do? I thought back to my own transformation, but could think of nothing that could provide even the slightest of comfort. I cradled the tormented girl in my arms, smoothing her hair and muttering such soothing things as I could think to say. After a few minutes, she sudden went slack. Alarmed, I watched her face, but her eyes were blank—not blind agony or roaming sightlessly, but it was as if there was nothing there at all. Her quick heartbeat allayed my fears only a little. I remembered my own transformation as a time of extreme pain. I had screamed and writhed endlessly. Surely this wasn't normal?

I waited.


	4. Tree Spirit

Fiona POV

I don't rightly know how long I spent as the essence of the forest. It is hard to describe where I was, what I was during those days. I retained some form of individuality, but still had lost my sense of self. I had successfully escaped the pain of my transformation by becoming a part of the forest, a tree spirit. I wonder now if that was how the druids first came to be, if they still existed. I spent that time wandering through the trees, aiding growth, feeling danger in the forest, balancing subtly the chain of life that was so delicate in these woods. As time went on, I spread further and further away from my own body, which was fastly becoming unrecognizable, and extending my spirit into more of this damp scenery. It was then that I sensed the upheaval in the woods.

There were creatures here that hadn't been before, giants. I sensed them, but they were…different. Transient. I shied away from their chaotic centers. They were not animal, not human, not tree and they were not participating in the cycle of life of the woods. Another creature was, however. From the strange pattern these giants hunted in, from the sudden shock of fear that followed the prey, I found the true unbalance in my woods. She was angry, thirsty, dangerous. The animals went silent and shrank into their dens when she came near, but the first death I felt was human. I felt this death like a part of myself, as all parts of the woods were, but even more personal was the humanity of the loss. Painfully clear and suddenly familiar. With this first death, I shed my earlier ambivalence and began to take a side, against the she-creature in my woods. Animals blocked her way, her scent stayed in the trees that kept catching her hair and clothes…and I found her hunters. Their chaotic, unfamiliar centers had frightened me, but now feeling their transient presence once again, I plunged into the mind of one of the giants. I was not prepared for the other minds linked to him. The startling _human_ minds.

_Jake, man, you got to get some rest! We won't let the leech get to Bella._

_I'm fine Quil, we're ALL tired. _

_I'm tired of constantly seeing your fantasies starring leech lover extraordinaire._

_Shut it, Paul!_

_THAT'S ENOUGH! _The strange onslaught of thought/speech ceased and I felt a tremble pass through the wolf/boy I was sensing.

_Jake, you need to get back to Billy. He's worried about you and all the double shifts. Seriously, GO HOME. Get some rest. _

_Sam, you can't expect me to just crash or sleep on the job. There's still that black haired leech we chased over the line. He was after Bella, too!!_

_He also had a girl with him. I notice you're not too worried about her._

An angry growl ripped through "my" wolf.

_In case you didn't smell it, she was already dead! Probably a leech by now._

_Well, then, black-haired leech wasn't after Bella. GO HOME._

My wolf complied, angrily obeying his leader and racing toward the coast. I stayed with him, listening to his thoughts, analyzing those too-familiar feelings. It wasn't like a sudden revelation, remembering that I was human. It was like waking up from a dream. I felt like it wasn't something I had forgotten, just something that hadn't seemed very important. But somehow, understanding the wolf-boy, Jacob, brought my humanity back to the forefront of my mind. I withdrew from him just as he began to change on the boundaries on the woods, leaving me among the trees, still vaguely aware of his pack, just as I was aware of every squirrel, tree and river in my radius. I thought back to the thing the one called Sam had said, "He also had a girl with him." Me. That was me. I felt the presence similar to the one wolf-boys hunted, familiar, at the center of my awareness. Hesitantly, remembering now that I had fled my body for a reason, I drew my awareness back to the house my body was currently lying still inside, the vampire named Laurent still kneeling next to me. I couldn't see of course, but I felt the vampire's presence. Mine was no longer there, of course, but listening to his thoughts, I knew that he was watching my supine body, looking for signs of life. The thought that I should be at least reacting to the pain of transformation—had I not been bodiless, I would have shuddered—convinced me to stay as I was, at least for now. Perhaps it seems strange that I should so easily give up my corporeal form. To be honest, had I discovered a way to do it consciously, I would never have abandoned my body, I would have been terrified of not being able to come back. But I had never felt anything like that burning pain before, and my sudden flight into the spiritual world had been involuntary, albeit miraculous.

Once more I roamed the woods, this time following a deer that had been frightened away by the scent of Laurent, the scent of a vampire…all of a sudden, I realized what the wolf-boys had been hunting. Another vampire, here! Trying to get to some human named Bella…the name sounded familiar but everything seemed connected in this strange tangle of essences I lived in. I then did something I had not attempted before. I sought out the wolves that were hunting the vampire, actually found myself traveling through the woods I had been hopelessly drawn through before. I found the leader, the one called Sam. I calmed myself, wondering how exactly to go about doing what I was trying to do. While I had listened to minds before, being a part of their essence, I had never tried to _talk _to someone this way. I tried to remember my Wiccan training, but it was like holding water in a sieve…my memories wouldn't stay. Strange. I would have to examine that later. I sought for Sam's essence and found him.

_I haven't found her scent yet. Quil?_

_Nothing. Paul's got nothing either. Embry's just following the old trail._

_Alright, keep looking. _The thoughts drifted from speech-like sentences to pictures of a beautiful girl, scars fading then reappearing on her face as memories shifted. The girl was named Emily, he loved her greatly. I shook myself mentally, and tried to "talk" to Sam. Nothing, he continued running and thinking of his lover—with disgusted thoughts from his pack interrupting now and then. _Think! _I told myself. I heard his thoughts by opening myself up to his essence…to hear me, would he have to share mine? In his memories, I discovered that his ancestors had become wolves this way, sharing essence in the spirit world. How had that first chief asked the wolf to share a body? I was able to expand my center, wasn't he already inside my essence? I had broken down his walls, why couldn't he hear me? A wall! That was it! I had broken through his, but mine remained intact. I spent a few minutes searching helplessly for some sort of barrier. I needed to trust this person, something I wasn't good at. I needed to trust him like he trusted his Emily. I grasped at that straw and thought of loving someone that way, tried to reciprocate the love he felt for this girl, the trust. _Ka-ching! _I crowed, _Wall down!_

_WHAT THE---? _I could have cringed from the cacophony of voices that reacted to their Alpha's mind being invaded this way. Ooops!

_Um, calm down? I swear, I'm just trying to talk to you. I'm new at this._

_Who are you? What are you doing in my head? GET OUT! _The strange double tone he used was frightening, but it didn't have the same effect on me as it had on Jacob.

_I need to talk to you about that vampire._

_Explain who you are first._

_Well, that's better. Rationality is always appreciated. Um, my name is Fiona. I'm a human…or I was at any rate. I guess I'm similar to your spirit warriors. I'm a wiccan or a druid, take your pick. _

_How do you know about—never mind. Why are you in my mind?_

_Well, I wanted to get rid of the vampire. She killed a man in my woods earlier and I didn't like it. _Sam could feel my thoughts and my oneness with the forest. He found it rather overwhelming.

_Well can't you tap into her mind? _

_Haven't tried that yet. Just realized I could talk to you. I have a feeling she'll be weirder. Vampires are hard to read, like Laurent. I can't hear his thoughts, just his instincts. _Whoops! That was going to need an explanation. A whirlwind of memories assaulted me, but they were like a slideshow on fast-forward, and completely blurry.

I didn't have time to try to understand my memories before Sam yelled in my—his—head .

_Laurent? Who the hell is Laurent? You know another leech? By name? Where the hell is he? _I realized my mistake too late. Sam and his pack hated vampires, all vampires, and Laurent was just another vampire. **I should hate him too. He killed me…changed me?** I managed to shield this last thought from Sam. Last thing I needed was a bunch of werewolves ripping me limb from limb while I was helpless in the spirit world. An errant thought about whether I could die while separated from my body chased across my mind.

_Fiona? Hello? I need you to tell me where this leech is! He could kill someone! Wait—is this a black haired leech? Kinda European looking?_

_Laurent? Yes…black hair, olive skin….well, it would be. He has a faint French-Canadian accent. Do you know him? _An angry growl was followed by,

_We don't get to know leeches! We kill them. End of story. You talk about him like he's a person! He's already killed a girl you know. We chased him til he crossed a territory line but he already had a girl. She's dead by now. _

_Not exactly. _I immediately cursed this lack of mental barrier. Sam's question's bombarded my mind. I sighed mentally. He said there was some sort of line, maybe I was safe. _Sam…the girl you saw? That was me. That's how I met Laurent. _The shock that ripped through his body was almost tangible as a surprised howl slight through his teeth.

_How did you get away? Why didn't he kill you? Jacob said—_the pause was lethal as Sam put two and two together. _Jacob said he turned you. _

_So I gathered. _ This was beyond shock. A wave of anger, loss, and violation ripped so strongly through Sam that I was almost jettisoned from his center—a center that nearly transformed with rage.

_You're a LEECH? GET OUT OF MY MIND!_

_I am not a vampire. Not yet at any rate. And I don't plan to be. Or at least not a leech as you put it._

_And do you think you'll manage that?_

_I just won't drink blood. Or I'll go to a butcher shop or something. I'm a vegetarian for Pete's sake! _I got the very unique experience of hearing a large wolf laugh.

_I don't think it works that way. Vampires are completely consumed by their desire for blood. You won't have a choice. The closest thing to a vegetarian vampire were the Cullens and they ate animals._

_I'm NOT killing ANYTHING, wolf-boy. End of story._

_You won't be able to help it. Besides, once you change, you won't be you anymore. You'll be some soulless bloodsucker. _

_They have souls!_

_No YOU don't!_

_I find souls, genius! That's how I find centers. The less of a soul you have, the harder it is for me to understand you. Guess what? I can sense Laurent, I can even sense the creature you're hunting. So yeah, I have a soul too._

_You're still a killer._

_Not yet._

_You will be._

_Then I won't go back._

_What?_

_The transformation…it drove me out of my body, well, sorta. It hurt…I don't really want to talk about it, but that's how I'm here now. I can stay in the forest. Stay in the spirit world._

_You can do that? _

_We'll find out. If not, I was dying anyway right? No big loss. I wonder if I am dead… No…. _I felt every strand o thought being heard and dissected by the pack. It was disconcerting.

_Don't think like that. _

_Is there anyway to press mute on any of this?_

_I wish. You've dealt with the woods._

_Yeah, but I don't like sharing._

_Join the club. Okay, we can't technically cross the line, but if your leech does anything—_

_He hasn't left my body since I changed. No idea why._

_Well, any rate, the second he moves, he's dead, got it?_

_I understand. What about me? If you kill my body, I don't know if my spirit can survive. _

_That's interesting._

_Could we please not experiment with me? I've never so much as killed an ant, and as far as I am concerned, I'm human. You're not murderers._

_Fine. But keep us posted on the leeches?_

_I'll try. This other one has a very foreign mind. Um…your spirit warriors? _

_How do you know about them? _Shamefully, I explained how I had searched his mind for a connection to talk with him.

_I'll work on the privacy thing. Sorry. I just really wanted to talk to you. But the spirit warriors? The legend said that your chief couldn't stay in the spirit world…but I still have a body, so will I…?_

_I've really never heard of anything like you. I don't know_

_Anything like me? I'm just a girl. Seriously, I'm a wiccan and I have a talent for finding the essence of things. It's not as uncommon as you make it sound. _

_Vampires, werewolves and now witches…seriously, why couldn't we just stick with Santa and the Easter bunny? They were harmless._

_I'm harmless! And so is any true Wiccan, thank you!_

_Maybe you're not a threat because you choose to be. That doesn't make you harmless. _An image of the beautiful Emily, scarred across half her face, rose to his mind.

_It doesn't change her, you know. Scars are the easiest kind of damage._

_I ruined her face. Everyone who sees her, sees scar-girl. I know it hurts her._

_If I met her, at least in this form? I wouldn't be able to see them. They are only skin deep you know._

_We're all just human. _

_Ha! _

_Figuratively speaking._


	5. Not For Me

'_I don't think it works that way. Vampires are completely consumed by their desire for blood. You won't have a choice.' _ I drifted aimlessly through the woods, Sam's words echoing through my head. I couldn't go back to my body. I would never be human again. I wouldn't even be corporeal. I tried to touch the tree I passed, but I couldn't even see it. I felt the world around me like one feels the warmth of the sun, the welcome of a friend, the threat of danger. A rabbit's fear and concern for her young brushed against my returned individual spirit. The ancient many-souled spirits surrounding me revealed themselves as trees through their stoic permanence, their minds far too foreign for me to understand in words. The transient, reckless rush of water formed the river. It was a world of spiritual sense, having no eyes to see the branches, no ears to hear the birds, no hands to feel the river, and no nose to smell the pines, no tongue to taste the air. It was unsettling. I felt completely lost, but having become aware of myself, I resisted the urge to submerge myself in the spirit of the earth again. I had barely had the strength to find my own center once more, to lose it again would be irreversible.

I forced myself to become more aware of my own self, to separate myself from the inexorable draw of the forest. How long would I be able to do this? Indefinitely? _Eternally? _Eternity was such a …permanent term. I could feel the scratches of eternity in the roots of the redwoods whose ancient and indecipherable spirits I had shared, had found it too much for me. I had always known that mine was a temporary life, just another cycle in the Goddess' plan for humanity. Mortality had been beaten into every inch of my life. From mother's death, to father's rage, the many times telling doctors that I had "fallen down the stairs," watching my brother try to forget himself in the army, receiving the telegram from the minister and black clad official I had known would come; mortality and death had been childhood friends, learned before my ABCs. Life was a stage I had to go through, to continue to what the Goddess had in store for me. If life was just life, with no end, my whole existence had to be reviewed. I had always lived for something and eventually, I died for something. There was no one here to live for, even surrounded by thousands of deer, elk, birds, bears and wolves, not to mention the insects and plants. I was suffocating in all this life, and felt completely alone. I was human. I was mortal. Eternity was not for me.


	6. Damned

Laurent POV

Four days. Four days I waited and sat and watched for any sign of life in her body. Her heart had stopped. The gentle face that had captivated me unwittingly was now complete in its pale perfection. Her black hair, already cascading in its lustrous black waves, had seemed to grow and even inkier black, catching light and throwing it like a crystal. Her skin, a somewhat unhealthy pale shade before, was an even ivory tone, pure snow. Her lips were red. Blood red. Everything about her was familiar, unfamiliar…the vampire perfection hadn't changed her too radically, yet…it was like looking at a corpse. She wasn't there. Yet I knew she was alive….as much as one of my kind could be.

Five days. She hadn't woken up, hadn't stirred. I jerked involuntarily as the scent of the wildlife around me drifted in on a breeze, catching myself and controlling my thirst. I couldn't leave her… What if she woke up? With no one to help her, she would be petrified. Or would she be angry? Maybe she wouldn't remember anything and would run away, leaving me here alone I had never minded being alone. For a year I had tagged along with Victoria and James, but I had been ready to leave them when we met the Cullens. I had enjoyed the Denali's company far more, especially Irina's. Irina…I hadn't thought about her since I had first smelled Fiona's scent in the woods. What would she think of me choosing to change her? Would she be angry that I had chosen another mate? We hadn't said anything really about the two of us, but I was not so foolish as to think that nothing had been implied. Irina was a beautiful woman, yes, and I enjoyed her company. She was caustically funny and very intelligent, if a little impulsive. But I hadn't loved her…She had wanted me to say it, had wanted me to try, but I had always kept her at an arms length. I certainly cared about her more than the others, but still, I had left clear my head. And now…Fiona wasn't my mate by any means. She would probably hate me, monster that I was…but she had kissed me back. I was sure of this. It had been a long time since I had kissed anyone, but the mechanics really hadn't changed. Was that simply the last act of a dying girl? She was such a peaceful, giving girl, she gave her life for her friend. A friend who, had she been in the woods instead of Fiona, would have met her death much sooner than if the disease had run its course. Surely she would loathe the monster that I was? The monster I had made her? No.

I looked on her beautiful face, but it was empty. Void. Again, I shook away the feeling that I was looking into the face of one dead. I pictured instead those green eyes, so full of sadness and loss. The love in her voice as she spoke of her friend and the two boys who had almost lost a sister.

She was no killer.

Had I made her one?

I told myself that I would see to it that she would never kill a human, I would never let her cause herself that regret. We would live as the Cullens and Denalis, hunting animals, living as humans, as a family would.

I tore myself mercilessly out of my fantasy.

We were no family. I was ridiculous to think of her in such a way. I had met her for less than twenty minutes. I had changed her, but she owed me nothing. I shouldn't be thinking of her in this obsessive way. But lying to myself had always been an exercise in futility. When you live alone, you learn that you must never indulge in self-delusion. I didn't want to live alone anymore.

I thought about my vow to live as the Denalis. I hadn't devoted myself to their diet before, but then, I had never had a reason to. Was that all there was to this? I would never kill again in order to win Fiona's love? It seemed hollow and fake to me. I thought about what would have happened had I not stopped when she asked me to. If I had killed her, would it be any different than a=any of my previous victims? Victim. I had never used that word before. Hunts, kills, prey, food, but never victim. Never murder. Never anything that made them…human. I knew to me, Fiona's death would have changed my universe, my existence, even if I had not known it. But any other human? The way I thought of her, that value…I couldn't ignore it now in her fellow man. Could I have killed this Sari? The friend for whom she had so willingly sacrificed her life? No. In a strange, almost idiotic revelation I thought about how Fiona was to me what every human was to someone else. I wondered who had mourned my last breakfast…my last victim. It had been a man, hadn't it? I couldn't even remember his face. I buried my head in my lap, thought there was no one to see me. Only Fiona's unopened, dead eyes.

I was unworthy of her love.

I was damned.


	7. Trapped In The World

Fiona POV

I was not keen to try to enter this female vampire's head. But after wandering the woods another day or so, I got tired of feeling sorry for myself and started searching for her. I had never had a problem finding something when I had found it before, and since my spiritual relocation, I had become an expert at finding things in my woods. This creature, this vampire, she was slippery. Her mind would surface at times, then disappear. It was almost as if she knew I was watching and could disguise her spiritual center. I dismissed the idea that this was a vampiric trait, since Laurent had been easy enough to sense. Through our newly-forged connection, Sam informed me that the vampire was physically elusive as well. She had been escaping them time and again for months. Apparently, she was after a human girl named Bella as some sort of revenge for her mate who had been killed by the clan Sam had mentioned before, called the Cullens.

I asked Sam about how the Cullens' had coexisted with humans and he informed me that they had only eaten animals. I thought about the house Laurent had taken shelter in—he was still standing guard over my body, getting weaker by the day—and realized the reason the animals stayed away from it. It had been home to vampires. I felt a twinge of guilt that Laurent was faithfully staying by the side of a body that would never be more than just a body. I had hidden the fact that Laurent was still in the area from Sam—he thought the vampire was long gone, abandoning me when I refused to wake up. Another action I couldn't justify to myself. True, I kept a careful watch over him, and he hadn't moved to hunt, but what would I do if he did? Why protect him? He had condemned me to life as a killer, or an _eternity _in the spirit world. The alternative of death was certainly preferable. Who did he think he was? If I had wanted to be 'saved' I would have _said so._ Stupid altruistic vampire. And yet, I shielded him from Sam's pack. And watched him almost fondly as he sat by my cold body. I wanted to speak with him, but I did not want him privy to all my thoughts and feelings like my spiritual connection with Sam allowed. I feared to return to my body, so I hoped that he would eventually assume that I was dead and leave, making my lie to Sam true. I tried not to think about what he would do once he left.

As much as I disliked my mind being put on display, loneliness had me waiting impatiently for Sam to phase, since he considered his human time as 'time off.' Sometime at night (the animals and trees had no concept of time) I felt a familiar presence in the woods.

_Sam! _I winced inwardly at how eager I sounded.

_Wow, that's a greeting. _Through Sam, I felt three other minds, one that was particularly familiar.

_Hey there, oh there mighty Spirit Leech. _It was the first time any of the other wolves had addressed me personally, although I knew they all heard me. This wolf hadn't been phased for a while.

_Hello, Jacob. _I said timidly. _Are you angry at me, too?_

_For reading my mind? Or being a vampire?_

_Either or._

_Well, considering I have an entire pack privy to my every thought on a daily basis, that doesn't really bug me. And you're not a vampire, not in this form. _Through our connection, I heard the words he didn't say. _And it's not your fault._

_It's not your fault either. He bit me before you got there._

_I wasn't worrying about anyone but Bella. I should have been. Now you're dead._

_I wish I was. _I felt a physical shudder go through the wolves, all four of them. _Aw, you do care. Sheesh, guys, don't let my self-pity get to you. You all know what it's like to have to consider forever._ I felt the wolf named Embry's agreement. For the first time, he spoke to me.

_Actually, Jake and I are the only ones who are without imprints._

_So I've got you two to keep me sane? Very comforting, but I'm sure immortality will get to you after awhile._

_We could kill the leech._

_He's long gone, but thanks anyway. If I wasn't so adverse to killing animals, I suppose I'd be thanking him. Actually…. _I could feel the outrage and disbelief as the pack followed my train of thought. Sam was the first to speak coherently.

_We won't kill you Fiona. _

_It wouldn't pose any danger to you! I reinhabit my body, you do your thing, problem solved._

_We're not worried about danger! We don't want to kill you!_

_Fiona, we know you like another member of the pack—_

_Then you know how much I would rather be dead! I'd have a chance for rebirth—_

_You don't actually believe that shit do you?_

_The fact that I'm talking to you is proof that my beliefs work thus far._

_But rebirth? Come on!_

_Look, I don't really care at this point whether I am reborn or just plain die, alright? I just want OUT! _There was a stunned silence as the pack felt the sincerity behind my words. I was shocked myself at the lack of my usual restraint and the sudden overflow of emotion. Unable to deal with the judgment and sympathy of the pack, I tore myself out of their minds and away from their centers and plunged into the peaceful woods.

Bella POV

Jake and I seemed to be back to normal, now that I knew about his hairier side. But today he seemed withdrawn. I had hung around with Emily a little, waiting for him to come back, but he, Sam, and Jared had come through the door arguing about something.

"It's ABSURD! I am NOT considering it!"

"Don't you know how to find her?"

"You're the one who decided to attack her religion!"

"Religion? It's a bunch of shit!"

"I think we should just help her learn—" The boys suddenly realized we were staring at them, Emily frozen with a pan of muffins in her hands. I cleared my throat and broke the silence.

"Who are you talking about? Did you find Victoria?" The pack looked taken aback, as if they had forgotten about the vampire menace. Jake recovered quickest.

"No, Bells, we haven't found her yet. She seems to have retreated for the time being. Paul and Embry are out still. " I waited, but more information wasn't forthcoming. Jared looked uncomfortable, but Sam was enraptured by Emily as usual, crossing to her to give her a kiss. I felt the familiar pain in my chest and turned away from them. Jake seemed to take this as his cue.

"Well, I think me and Bella will head out. I'll see you later, Jared, Sam." Jared waved, his mouth full of one of Emily's muffins and Sam murmured goodbye from where he stood with his arms around Emily. We walked down the street in silence. By the time we got to the beach, I knew something was up.

"So what was all that about?"

"Hmm?" Jake still wasn't looking at me. I smacked him on the arm. "Ow! What was that for?"

"To get you to pay attention! Who was this 'she' you guys were talking about?" Jake shifted. "Well?"  
"Well, it's complicated…" I sat down on a piece of driftwood, folding my hands in my lap.

"I've got all day. C'mon, is there something I can do to help?" He sighed and sat down, his head in his hands.

"Well, we found her in the woods. Rather, she found us—"

"Victoria?"

"No! No, we haven't found her yet. The girl I'm talking about is named Fiona—" He stopped at my gasp.

"Fiona? Are you sure that was her name?" Jake looked like he already knew where this was going.

"Yes, Fiona. She's---"

"The girl from woods. That day—that day with Laurent."

"Yeah. Well, she's—"

"Wait, he bit her. She's—she's a vampire! You didn't kill her did you?"

"No! No, of course not!"

"Of course not? You're practically chomping at the bit to kill a vampire!"

"She's not a vampire!" That halted my retort.

"What?"

"She's not a vampire. She's…god, I told you it was complicated. It's just…weird."

"You're a werewolf who hunts vampires and I—well, how much weirder could it get?" I tried not to follow that train of thought. Jake laughed.

"How do you feel about witchcraft?" I gaped. "Yeah, that's what I thought. Apparently, Fiona was—is—a wiccan, or a druid or something. She's really good at sensing things. It's hard to explain. She like, reads minds or something—sorry, Bells!" I nodded, one arm wrapped around my stomach. He went on. "Well, she finds souls or something—it's hard to explain. But she got in Sam's head, and it was like talking to another wolf. Anyrate, apparently, when that leech bit her, it hurt too much and her spirit left her body. She's been living in the spirit world, but I don't think she's doing too well. Especially when we told her that if she went back to her body, she'd be a newborn vampire."

"Oh….that's…awful. But she could eat animals?"

"She's really into the preservation of life and all that. Vegetarian apparently. I guess if I spent my time reading animals' minds and whatnot, I'd feel weird eating them too. But since she's physically a vampire, she can't die, and she's really upset about living forever apparently. Although, the way she's living is…crazy. I don't think she can stay sane like that."

"Like how? I don't understand…the spirit world?"

"The way she explains it, it's how everything has an essence and a soul, well that forms the spirit world. Everything has some sort of spiritual essence, even the trees and river. But you don't really have senses then, unless she inhabits the center of an animal, but I think she's having trouble adjusting to not having a body. She tried to convince us to kill her."

"Kill her? But she's…"

"A spirit, yeah. She said she'd go back to her body and then we could kill her."

"That's….I don't even know what to say to that."

"Yeah, Sam refused. I mean, none of us want to kill her, but you didn't feel her. She was, beyond upset, it was despair at its finest."

"You're eloquent today." Jake smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. My poor Jacob. "It's not your fault you know."

"That's what she said."

"I don't know what Laurent was thinking! I mean he was supposed to be with the Denalis!"

"Once a leech always a leech," Jacob spat. I winced.

"It was weird though. He seemed…upset,"

"He should be! He killed her!"

"No, I mean, upset that she was in pain, that he changed her. He said something about not being able to watch her die," Jake looked at me incredulously.

"Did he ever think he could, I don't know, not kill her?"

"Maybe she was already dying. Rosa—" Wow. Even thinking about my least favorite Cullen was anathema to the fragile threads holding me together. I tried to forget about Rosalie's rescuing Emmett and turned to our new mystery.

"So why would he care? If he snacks on homo sapiens for breakfast, what does he care about Fiona? How did he say he knew her?"

"He didn't. He was kinda busy running from these ridiculously huge wolves." Jake grinned at me. Finally.

"We're ferocious lookin' beasties aren't we?"

"I nearly peed myself when you stopped and looked at me."

"Ha! I would never let you live that down."

"I know." This was better. I had missed our daily banter. Little did I know that it would soon come to an end.

"Wait! Stop! Go back!"

"Bella, are you nuts?"

"It's Carlisle's car! Go back!"

"That could be anyone's car!"

"No! I recognize it! Take me back!"

"There's a vampire in your house and you want to go back?"

"Yes! Take me back!" Jake slammed on the brakes. He reached across and threw my door open, his face hard.

"Take yourself back, Bella."

"Jake—"

"This changes things. I can't be caught on their territory."

"It's not a war Jake—"

"Doesn't matter. Take yourself back Bella." Feeling like a traitor, I flung myself from the Rabbit and heard the screeching of tires almost before my feet hit the pavement.

Opening the door, I felt a twinge of fear. What if Jake was right? What if it wasn't Carlisle at all, but some ruse by Victoria? I felt around for the light switch, but the light went on before I touched the switch.

"Alice! Oh, Alice!"


	8. Rebirth

Fiona POV

This place, this world, was messing with my mind. I was everything and at the same time, I was nothing. I was every deer, squirrel and ant that had lived in these woods. I was every thousand year old redwood, every prehistoric mountain. I was every memory and thought that these beings had ever entertained. Less and less of me was Fiona O'Malley. The pain of that knowledge was maddening. These creatures I was fighting so hard to protect from myself, they at least retained their selves. If I killed a doe, she still existed, I could see that. But if I slowly diminished, if my soul refracted into the souls of the trees, the rocks and the animals, did I still exist? There would be no heaven for me then, no rebirth or afterlife. Even as I had rediscovered my humanity, had connected with my fellow man, I was slipping away. One mind was not meant to be several, and one soul could not be millions. I was dying. This pain was different than the physical torment of my transformation. It was worse. In the utter agony of insanity, I screamed into the entire forest. Just before I snapped back into my body, I felt the pack recoil.

Laurent POV

I was getting weaker. Every moment I spent at her side, the temptation to hunt was stronger. I had no doubt that if I crossed a human, I would not have the willpower to keep my vow. As it was, the constant smell of the wildlife had me twitching. I begged for Fiona to wake up, I pleaded with her still frame. I was going out of my mind. Concern for her, this girl I was inexplicably and irreversibly obsessed with, concern that I wouldn't be able to keep the vow I had made—for her, concern that I would abandon her and leave her side. This was the first thing I had stuck with, the first time I had felt such passion in decades. I could not fail her. All the same I was begging for a distraction. At first I had hoped that Bella would come looking for us, then realized that if she did, I might kill her. Then I prayed that the Cullens would return.

It was raining when I smelled a variety of scents that matched the fading odors filling the property. A door slammed. The Cullens were back. I barely had time to wonder how long it would be before one of them discovered us, when the tiniest Cullen, the one called Alice, raced into the room, her mate closely on her heels.

"Laurent! Why are you—who is that?" I pretended not to notice how her mate, Jasper, positioned himself protectively in front of the unworried Alice.

"Her name is Fiona, is your leader here?" They both looked confused, but Jasper answered reassuringly,

"Carlisle should be—"

"Right here. What brings you to our home Laurent?" I gestured to Fiona.

"She won't wake up." Carlisle crossed over to her, feeling her cold wrist, even though we could all hear that her heart was still and smell that she had transformed. I looked around the suddenly crowded room. The big one, Emmett, was standing protectively in front of his magnificent mate and Carlisle's mate, Esme?

"How long?"

"Two weeks, I think." Carlisle looked troubled. Alice was staring at Fiona's face, as if trying to see past it. Jasper was staring at me. I resisted the urge to glare back. All of a sudden, I smelled two new scents. Edward and Bella. I threw myself backward and stopped breathing, praying it would be enough.

"Get the human out of here! I haven't hunted!" I hissed. Suddenly I found myself wrapped in two very strong arms. Emmett.

"Sorry, but we're not taking chances with Bella." Esme and Alice whisked out of the room, presumably to warn Bella and Edward. Emmett did not release me.

"It would probably be best if you hunted Laurent…as per our rules, of course."

"I'm no longer killing humans. But I don't want to leave Fiona, I want to be here if…when she wakes up." Jasper looked at me appraisingly, then exchanged a look with Carlisle.

"Oh." Carlisle sounded surprised.

"What?" Jasper looked hesitantly at Carlisle, who nodded.

"I have the ability to sense emotions. We hadn't realized you were in love with her."

"That's incroyable! I'm not in love with her—I just….she was dying…." I had never met any others with such an invasive and annoying gift.

"Actually, you have. Now explain what you are doing here."

"Edward!" Carlisle reprimanded. I turned to face the one called Edward. How had he—

"It is my gift to read minds."

"Charming. Nothing is secret in this family."

"What are you doing here? Why did you kill this girl?"

"She was dying! I couldn't just leave her!" Christ, I wasn't going to kill his precious Bella.

"That didn't seem to be a problem before."

"Enough, Edward." Edward glared at me, but obeyed his leader. Carlise then turned to Alice, who had reentered the room.

"Bella's back home, with Esme and Rosalie, they're trying to calm Charlie down. I think he wants to kill you Edward." chirped the little vampire cheerfully. Edward rolled his eyes.

"Could you please release me, then?" I said, addressing the large Emmett, still gripping me tightly. He dumped me unceremoniously to the ground. Guess that was another one with the same idea as Edward. Alice skipped forward to Fiona, then shook her head, looking frustrated.

"I can't see her. Nothing. Maybe she was with the wolves? That might have something to do with it."

"The wolves? You've seen them?"

"Only with my eyes." I cocked an eyebrow. Alice pouted. "I can see the future. But not for the mutts, it would seem."

"But you've seen them before, in person?"

"Once, yes. Carlisle has more experience with the Quileutes."

"Yes, Laurent, these are not the children of the Moon. They are members of the local native tribe here, the Quileutes? They are shapeshifters, they actually control their changes. We have a truce with them."

"They were not acting peaceful when they chased me."

"You are not included in the truce. If you hunt humans, you are fair game to them. Also, if you are on their land…Edward?" Edward ceased his glaring at me and turned to Carlisle.

"Yes?"

"Bella is going to need to explain to the wolves that Laurent was not aware of the truce, and that he has agreed to try our lifestyle."

"I don't want Bella anywhere near those dogs!"

"She's friends with them, Edward. And they won't talk to us." Edward threw another venomous look at me, then left the room to search for his Bella.

"If you can't see her, does that mean…?" Alice looked thoughtful.

"She's not dead, not in that way. Usually, especially after I have met someone, I can see them. But it's like I don't know what to look for, like she's disappeared. All I see is the forest. Lots of trees, which doesn't make any sense, unless she has something to do with the wolves, in which case I wouldn't see her."

"She was very involved with nature. A wiccan, she said. She could sense things, which is ho---" A piercing, despairing cry broke off the conversation as Fiona convulsed and leapt to her feet, knocking Carlisle to the ground. Her brilliant green eyes were now a fiery shade of red, and they scanned the room wildly, disoriented. Emmett rushed forward, but I put my arm out. Jasper understood.

"She's a newborn, Emmett, careful. She's confused." Fiona fixed an appraising stare on Jasper, then Alice, Carlisle, and Emmett. Finally, her gaze turned to me.

"You." I flinched from the anger in her voice. "You did this to me."

"I didn't have a choice, Fiona, you were dying!" In a moment, I was thrown up against the wall, Fiona's unbreakable grip suddenly against my throat.

"You bastard! I _wanted _to die! Damnit, I told you—"

"A life for a life, I know, but you can live as a vampire!"

"As a killer! You've made me a killer! Just like you! I know what you are, I know what you've done ! You're a murderer!"

"You knew that before!"

"I was a little distracted by the fact that I was dying!" At this point, I felt like she might just crush my neck, but fortunately, Jasper stepped in.

"Fiona, calm down. He was trying to help you." Fiona whirled on him but let go of my throat.

"Trying to help? Who are you anyway? Oh." She paused. "You're the Cullen clan." Jasper looked perturbed, but I suddenly felt a rush of calm. Fiona visibly relaxed as well. I looked at Carlisle, who smiled and nodded at Jasper. Strange coven.

Alice skipped forward to Fiona, skillfully dodging Jasper's restraining hand.

"Yes. We're the Cullens. I'm Alice, this is Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle. Did Laurent tell you about us?"

"No. The wolves did."

"Fiona, you know the wolves?" I couldn't restrain myself from reaching toward her.

"Do. Not. Touch. Me." Her look was so ferocious, I backed away, although the hatred in her eyes was like a branding iron. Jasper looked at me sympathetically, and once more, I fought to maintain a neutral expression. Carlisle took over.

"Fiona, I know this is all very unsettling, and I am truly sorry. But can we try to be calm and discuss your options? I promise, we will do all we can to help you." She sighed, and then wrinkled her nose. I couldn't help but think she looked adorable.

"That's weird. I mean, I can breathe, but I don't _have _to. Okay, look, this is all well and good, but my options basically are be a killer, or die. I choose the latter."

It was like a slap in the face.

"Fiona, look, the Cullens don't hunt humans, they hunt animals. I chose the same lifestyle after…after I changed you."

"I think I've made it perfectly clear that I don't want to talk—oh." Fiona looked at me in that strange penetrating way of hers. "Stop. Laurent—just stop." I saw Jasper start, as if by electric shock at the exact same time that Alice reached toward Fiona's arm. Too late. Fiona was out of reach and out of the house in a second. I started to go after her, but a strong hand grasped my shoulder as Alice, Carlisle, and Jasper went off in pursuit of Fiona.

"Laurent, we can't have you out unsupervised. It's bad enough that a newborn is running around unaccompanied, but you obviously need to watch it. They'll find her, don't worry."

"I promised I wouldn't let her do anything she'd hate herself for."

"Or you for." I sighed.

"It would appear I failed at that."


	9. Introductions and New Tempers

Fiona POV

I was a vampire. A vampire! I had tried so hard, how had I ended up back in my body? And Laurent…It was so obvious now why he stayed. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Goddess, I screw up everything! I tried to distract myself. I focused on how easy it was for me to find the centers of the vampires (_My fellow vampires,_ I thought with a grimace) in the room. How I could easily sense Laurent's strange thoughts of love and devotion toward me, the pain I caused him by hating him. I could sense three of the Cullens chasing after me. I wasn't even trying. Usually, to have this kind of success, I had to meditate, be peaceful and still. The trees flew by me at unbelievable speeds, my mind, foreign and huge, was a cacophony of confused, bitter, angry and sad thoughts. I was anything but peaceful and still, and yet… I stopped.

_What was that?_

A deliciously ambrosial smell stopped every one of my thoughts in their tracks. I was singularly aware of a painful burning in my throat, like I was dying of thirst. A whimpering growl broke through my teeth. I tensed, ready to spring forth after that smell. It was so close! I unconsciously connected to the source of the smell. A hiker wandering about deep in the woods. With that connection came a very strong reminder of why I hadn't wanted to return to this abomination I called a body.

"Oh, Goddess…" I whispered, falling to my knees, cradling my head in my hands. _What had I almost done? _I felt that burning war with my soul, but it wouldn't win out. Instinct to kill was outweighed by an instinct to protect, the feeling that this soul I had just shared was a part of me. Self-preservation is one of the strongest instincts, I've been told.

It was in this state that they found me. I sensed them on some level before they saw me, but I didn't move. Didn't breathe, didn't tempt my self-control. I shook, curled in that position in the middle of my woods. I couldn't cry, but the dry sobs wracked my body. A light footstep—one that would have been inaudible to me before—prefaced the sweet voice of the little vampire girl.

"Fiona?" She was hesitant. I could tell that my state of mind unnerved her. Her sense of confidence was shaken by an unfamiliar fear of the unknown. _I was something to be feared._ I shivered violently, then a sudden rush of calm filled me.

I didn't question the calm, uncharacteristically embracing it. I sat up and looked around me. There were three vampires, of the Cullen clan, staring at me, with looks of sympathy on their faces. I tried to remember the names they had thrown at me, but was too disoriented to recall. I settled for figuring out the identities behind the names. That was what was important anyway.

In a few seconds, while we all stared at each other, I found no hint of aggression, or hatred in their souls. They were kind people, especially the blonde leader. The two others were gifted, the female being able to see the future, and the male to understand and control emotions. That explained the calm. This one also had a bit of darkness and pain in his soul. I wondered why. The two gifted ones were very much in love, like two halves of one soul. Feeling a bit rude, I stopped my probing. I cleared my throat, out of habit. What on earth should I say? "Hi, we haven't met, but I'm apparently a newborn vampire who would much rather be dead than a monster, no offense, and I know all about you from your sworn enemies and I just searched your souls with this quirky little talent of mine. Oh, I'm Fiona, how do you do?"

The leader smiled encouragingly at me. He took a step forward.

"Fiona, are you okay?" I bit back a sarcastic reply. Where was all this anger coming from?

"Honestly? No. But if your empath friend could keep up the calm, that would be just great." The empath looked surprised.

"How did you know--?" I smiled a little. _Perfect. Let's keep the questions simple, so Fiona doesn't go nuts. Kthanxbye._

"Um, I don't know how much you know about me…I am, was? A wiccan, or a druid, witch, celt, whatever title you prefer. I specialize in finding souls and centers of people, animals and other living things. I sensed who you were, after a fashion. Sorry." I added. So much for simple. The little psychic one smiled and came forward to touch me gently on the shoulder.

"No need to apologize. Jasper used his power on you."

"Jasper? Oh. Um, I don't remember…" She smiled kindly.

"It's confusing, isn't it? Okay, well, I'm Alice, this is Carlisle, and of course, Jasper."

"Um, I'm Fiona…but you knew that. Fiona O'Malley." Alice didn't respond, just stared into space, then grinned.

"Perfect! Oh, Fiona, you will fit right in with us!"

"Pardon?" Jasper and Carlisle smiled indulgingly, shaking their heads.

"You'll have to pardon her," explained Carlisle, "She has visions of the future, depending on people's decisions. Whatever you just decided must have triggered one." _I haven't decided anything…_

"Fiona, how much do you know about what you are?" Oh, boy, this was not the right conversation to be having.

"You mean what _he _made me." I growled. Literally, I growled. I was not usually so angry. I thought of apologizing, but Carlisle interrupted.

"Fiona, Laurent was only trying to help you. I know it's hard, but he had the best intentions. He truly cares for you—" And the fuse ran out.

"Don't you think I know that? Don't you think I couldn't sense that? And do you honestly think that it changes one damned thing? Who does he think he is, God? Who decided he got to choose who lives and dies? Seriously, what kind of selfish bastard goes around damning someone to life as a killer just because he's lonely? Answer me that!" I saw a stricken look on Carlisle and Jasper's faces, and an angry and embarrassed look on Alice's. _Was it something I said? _I thought snarkily. Carlisle looked at the other two, and I sensed something inside his soul. A deep, overwhelming feeling of guilt. Responsibility. Fatherhood. _Oh, shit."_

"Oh, shit…" _Well, don't I know how to make friends and influence people. I need to get out of here._

"Fiona, don't go!" Alice cried out. She grabbed my arm. I jerked away instinctually.

"Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean you, Carlisle, I meant him…Look, I don't know what your story is, but I'm sure you had a good reason. I—goddess, I'm a terrible person—vampire—thing." Carlisle smiled gently at me.

"Fiona, this is a huge shock for you, it is okay to be angry."

"I'm not angry at you. Really, I'm not. I've never had this much trouble with my temper. I really don't have one, I swear. "

"Being a newborn tends to exacerbate feelings that were already there, giving you a shorter fuse, causing you to lose control," explained Jasper. I could sense the authority of knowledge in him. He knew more about this than the others. "Speaking of control, you should probably feed—"

"No!" Whoops. There's that short fuse.

"You misunderstand, we don't feed off humans."

"I'm afraid I understand perfectly. I can't feed off animals, I feel them just as I would a human. I can't end their lives after sharing their souls. No more than you could end a human's life." I saw guilt on the bonded couple's faces. Oh. Well. Carlisle broke he uncomfortable silence.

"Laurent said you were very involved with nature. Did you ever eat flesh?"

"No. I was raised a vegetarian. By my mother." I couldn't help but notice as Jasper flinched at my emotions. This must be a trying coven to live with. "How could I justify killing an innocent animal when I had other options."

"You don't have those options now."

"Therein lies my little anger problem. I cannot kill another being just so I stay alive."

"Do you think you are less deserving of life than animals?" Oh, perceptive little empath aren't you?

"Than one animal? No. Than the hundreds I would kill throughout an eternity? Yes."

"Nature is all about the cycle of life and death. You would just be aiding it."

"No, I would be outside of it, considering I can't die." _Patience, Fiona. Calm down. _Jasper smiled at me.

"You have very good self-control"

"Oh, yeah. Oodles." Alice laughed. Carlisle looked at me considering.

"Fiona, you need to feed."

"I-I-just can't!" Jasper looked sympathetic. Stupid empath. He must have felt my annoyance toward him, because he said,

"Actually, I was in a similar situation. Before I knew there were other options, I had to feel the emotions of every person I killed." There was the darkness I had seen.

"Well, I feel it toward animals too."

"Is it automatic?" _Good question._

"It didn't used to be. It took effort. But I've been living in the spirit world for however long it's been, and for some reason, I can sense you all a little bit without even trying." Carlisle nodded.

"That must be your gift."

"My gift?"

"Alice sees the future, Jasper senses and controls emotions and Edward—you haven't met him yet—can read minds. My theory is that some of us had latent or weaker gifts when we were human that got intensified by the transformation. Your case supports this theory, actually."

"But, in the woods, when I left my body—"

"You left your body?" Alice chirped in astonishment. I nodded.

"The pain—it hurt so much. I tried to find my center, but that only dulled it, and somehow I just—left. I was living in the spirit world, in the woods, but that was worse. It was the whole sensing thing but a thousand times stronger. I _was _every thing I sensed and my soul was being torn apart. I think that's how I ended up back here. I tried for the longest time to stay there, after what Sam told me."

"That's how you met the wolves. That's why I couldn't see you, I hadn't really met you!" Alice and Carlisle looked at me like I was a delightful new puzzle. I bit back my annoyance.

"Yeah. They don't like you much. I wonder what they'll think now…" The thought of them hating me made me far sadder than it should have. "Anyrate, in the woods, the sensing was stronger, as I said. Why is that? Just because I was fully spirit?" I hadn't expected an answer, they weren't familiar with my arts, but Jasper surprised me.

"Most likely. Also, you probably have to focus to strengthen how much you sense. I can sense emotions instinctually, but nuances of emotion and controlling them takes concentration. Alice has to concentrate to look for something specific. You probably have more control than you think. For instance, can you sense any animals?" I felt around, spiritually of course. The hiker was long gone, all I felt was the vague sense of life teeming around me. My gift had always worked more strongly with humans.

"No. Not individually."

"Will that help you hunt?" I felt that horrible burn at the back of my throat.

"I don't want to hurt anything. Please." I hated how weak I sounded, but how could I do this? It went against everything I stood for. Yet that burning was eating away at my resolve. Alice came forward and gave me a hug, not showing if she noticed how I stiffened at the contact.

"Fiona, you have a right to live too." _No, I don't._

"What if we find something that is already old or dying?" I sighed, knowing that sooner or later this burning instinct would win over. I nodded, wishing I could cry.


	10. Questions and Unwanted Answers

Sam POV

It had been a few days since Fiona had begged us to kill her. The next time I phased, she seemed to have completely forgiven me, but something was still wrong about her mind. It was like she was grabbing hold of us like we were a bunch of furry life preservers and she couldn't swim. I asked her and her response was the same each time: She felt disoriented by the woods. Every time I phased she was a little bit worse. One day, she told us that she was going to stop "talking" to us because she knew she was causing us pain indirectly. Of course we all told her that this was ridiculous—in our not-so-private thoughts, we knew she'd go nuts if not for our company—but she insisted that we didn't deserve it. We reached a compromise. She wasn't going to immediately dive into the pack mentality whenever we phased, but if one of us called her, she'd come, a promise she kept with a mixture of relief and guilt. Until today. Just minutes after phasing, I heard an agonizing scream in my mind, one that made the forest around me shudder.

_Fiona? Fiona? Fiona! Where are you?_ I howled, knowing that she could hear me without audible wolf-calls. _Fiona? _Nothing. Where was she? Between Jacob and I, we had made a point of making sure she talked to someone everyday. She had always answered when we called. A thought hit me. The Cullens were back. Jacob had told me this yesterday. I remembered what she had said the day she asked us to kill her. Laurent had left her body in the Cullen house. What if the Cullens had found her there? What if they had decided that the newborn vampire, although seemingly dead, was a threat? Panic gripped me as I howled for my pack. I couldn't cross the line and storm into the Cullen household, demanding to know where my friend was. But I knew who could.

Laurent POV

Hours passed. Night fell. Still, Fiona did not return. Around seven, Carlisle came back, but Alice, Jasper and Fiona did not. He looked at me sympathetically, but I could see a little apprehension there. I had sat for hours with Emmett, until he and Esme insisted that I hunt. They, along with Emmett's stunning mate, showed me their own way of hunting. I will freely admit it was hardly appetizing, but not nearly as repugnant as the thought of feeding off humans—especially humans Fiona knew—now was. We returned to the Cullen residence, but still no Fiona.  
Edward came back a little while later, glaring at me before retreating upstairs. Now Carlisle was back without his two "children" and without Fiona.

"Did you find her?" Carlisle nodded, running his hand through his hair and looking uncomfortable.

"She is…very distressed. She came close to hunting a hiker in the woods, but managed to stop herself." I was shocked, true, after all newborns have practically no self-control, but I had never met one that was actually trying to restrain themselves. The Cullens were far more impressed.

"Stop herself? How?" Emmett demanded. Esme and Rosalie exchanged curious, incredulous glances.

"It would seem that she was a follower of one of the Avalonian religions, like Wicca. She had highly developed powers of sensing the souls of things while human, which seems to have strengthened since becoming a vampire." I nodded.

"That is how she sensed me…when we, er, met." They all looked sharply in my direction, only Esme realizing exactly what that meeting entailed and nodding sympathetically, pity in her eyes. I was grateful for the absence of the mind reader and the empath.

"I can still hear you up here." Called the mind reader in question. I ground my teeth. Emmett laughed. Carlisle continued.

"Exactly. It seems she connects almost automatically with humans now, so when her instincts told her to hunt, the fact that she almost shared a soul with the hiker helped her to remember herself. However, the fact that she had the instinct at all quite unsettled her."

"Where is she? Can I see her?"

"She is with Alice and Jasper. They are helping her adapt. She needed to hunt and we finally convinced her to try to hunt deer, which she managed to do without the same side effects as with the hiker, but she was…unusually upset. She seems like a very gentle creature." _I'm so sorry Fiona. _

"Why aren't they back here?" Carlisle looked like he was unsure of what to answer.

"She was still very upset when I left, but we knew she needed to hunt more. Until she has fed enough to be healthy and in control—who knows if her powers will help her next time?—we didn't want her too close to humans. But I think getting her to accept herself will take some doing. " He glanced upward, and as if in response, which it may well have been, Edward appeared at the foot of the stairs.

"I'm not sure what I can do for her Carlisle. She's got Jasper there." He nodded in response to Carlisle's thought—how strange!—then left.

"Wait!" Too late. I turned to Carlisle. "Can I see her?" Carlisle looked unsure again.

"I don't think that would be wise just yet."

"What? Why not? I've waited all these years-weeks. I mean weeks—for her to wake up? Why does the mind-reader get to see her while I cannot?" Carlisle studied me, waiting for my outburst to end.

"Fiona didn't wish to wake up. And she feels very conflicted about you. You needs time to clear her head. Time without having to consider your feelings."

"My feelings?" I _had _kissed her after all. And changed her. And waited weeks for her to wake up. She wasn't stupid. I thought. No, I barely knew her, but she was certainly not dumb. Oh. So maybe conflicted was normal. "Look, I know now that she is unhappy about being a vampire, but she was dying and she seemed so sad, and I just, I couldn't watch her die. So I changed her. I'm sure she will adjust to life as a vampire."

"I don't think it was just life as a vampire she was trying to avoid."

"She wasn't trying to kill herself! Not as you think." Carlisle raised an eyebrow. I wondered what she had told him. "She was trying to save her friend. Sari. She did some ritual that made her essentially take Sari's place."

"Yet Jasper detected very strong feelings of inadequacy, self-loathing and despair."

"Well, that's my fault! Just because Fiona is adjusting to a vampiric life doesn't mean she's suicidal! She just woke up for God's sake! Give her some time."

"I believe that is what I was originally asking of you." For a moment, we stared at each other, then I sighed, feeling slightly embarrassed.

"I am sorry Carlisle, you've done nothing but try to help and I am being most ungrateful." The unruffled leader smiled serenely. His mate came to his side, resting her hand gently on his shoulder. How nice it must be to have such devotion, and from the others, his "family." The only family I ever had died two hundred years ago, my only company, just as eager to kill me as aid me. I thought about Victoria for the first time in a while. She was threatening a member of this family which, for reasons inexplicable to my former self, bothered me.

"Bella is in danger." The whole family started for a minute, then relaxed.

"Victoria?" asked Emmett. I nodded. He growled. "And you, you came here to kill her, didn't you?" I looked away.

"I won't deny it. Victoria sent me to find the girl, and discover if you still protected her. I knew she planned on torturing her to death. I hoped to spare her the pain and kill her myself." A punch sent me sprawling. When I looked up, it was not the hulking Emmett who was withdrawing his fist, but his splendid mate. She moved to strike again, but Carlisle held her back.

"Have you any idea what we've been doing the past few days? Edward thought she was dead! He tried to kill himself. Bella saved his life! Despite the fact that he told her he didn't love her despite us—well, me—treating her like dirt! How on earth could you even think of hurting her? You bastard!" I decided that the wisest course of action was to not inquire into these actions.

"I realize now that my course of action was abominable. I truly did not see any possibility of her surviving, and I did not wish her any extra pain. I did not realize the depth of your Edward's devotion."

"You could have protected her."

"You've never spent any prolonged time with Victoria. I did not see my former companion's life as fair trade for Bella's at the time, despite her flaws. I also did not see my own life worth the risk. Victoria is deadly, but she has friends as well."

" Coward." Muttered Emmett.

"I suppose I am."

Bella POV

When Edward left, he gave his word he would be back, despite Charlie's not so subtle threat. But he wouldn't use the doorbell. Charlie had banned him from the house, so I had been expecting him to come through the window.

"Bella!" Charlie. "Bella, you have a visitor!" I was grounded. I can only think of two people who Charlie would allow to bend that rule. Alice or Jacob.

I hadn't expected Jacob.

We went out on the porch.

"Jake, I'm so sorry I-" he held up a hand.

"Save it Bella, this isn't about you," he said coldly. I tried to understand that he was hurt, to not look angry. It must have shown on my face, because his softened.

"Do you remember the girl I told you about? Fiona?"

"Yeah. Is she okay?"

"That's what I need you to find out. She disappeared. But Sam, Sam said he heard her screaming. We know the Cullens are back, and we also know that the leech left her body in their house. Do you know if they—if they killed her?"

I gasped. "They wouldn't do that Jake! How could you even think that? I don't know what happened to Fiona, but when Edward took me home, Laurent was still there, watching over her. That's why I'm here. Laurent hasn't fed…"

"Fucking leech! He's still here? Fiona told us he left!"

"She was probably trying to protect him."

"He killed her, she hates him!"

"Maybe not enough to want him dead."

"Just because you lack the common sense to stay away from things that hurt you doesn't mean we all do!" Poor Jacob. It always came back to this. "Look I didn't come here to fight. I came to see if you could find out what happened to Fiona. Because if the leeches hurt her, or that red-eyed leech bites someone, we will consider that a breach of the treaty."

"I can't go to the Cullens."

"Why the hell not? You're always eager to go see your boyfriend," he spat. This was getting really old.

"Remember how I said Laurent was there? And he hasn't hunted?"

"Oh."

"Yeah, so unless you really hate me that much…"

"I don't hate you Bella."

"You've got a great way of showing it." That was unfair and I knew it, but he was being unfair.

"Whatever, Bella. I've been here for you this whole time, and I thought you and I were really getting close, but you just go running back to _him_ at the first chance. Doesn't how much he hurt you mean anything? Don't I?"

"Jake, it's not that simple…"

"Well, maybe it should be." We stared at each other for a minute, trying to think of words that could magically fix this. "Just let me know when you find out about Fiona. As soon as possible."

"Look, Jake, I know you're worried but they wouldn't hurt her."

"I don't believe that."

"Doesn't my word mean anything to you?"

"Not anymore."

The door opened, and Charlie came out looking sheepish.

"Sorry Jake, but Bella here—" he gave me a dirty look, "is grounded. I just wanted to let you tell her about Sam, but you'll have to go now. I let her go out to La Push when she's about 80."

"No need, sir. Have a nice life Bella." And he was gone.

"You sure this—boy—is worth burning all your bridges, Bells?"


	11. Nightmare

Fiona POV

We lit a fire. Not because we couldn't see—oh no, the dark was no longer a problem. I could see perfectly, everything was dark still but perfectly visible. Not exactly how I thought night-vision went. I had started gathering sticks for the fire mostly out of habit. It was getting dark, I was in the woods, I needed a fire. Jasper and Alice didn't question me, or say anything, just watched me silently. None of us carried matches, but when you can move a stick against the bow at god knows how many miles per hour, the old-fashioned way works pretty well.

When I had finished, I sat as close to it as I could without catching fire myself, chasing the unnatural coldness of my body away. Jasper and Alice sat near.

"Could you not have started the fire with magic?" asked Jasper. I wondered how long he'd been wondering that. I snorted.

"This isn't Harry Potter."

I laid down on the ground. I was wide awake, had never felt more energized in my life, but at that moment I wanted nothing more than to escape myself for a few hours and sleep. After a bit, I turned on my side to face my baby-sitters.

"Longest day of my life and I'm wide awake. Am I supposed sleep during the day or something? Maybe in a coffin?" Alice and Jasper exchanged glances, and I sensed nervousness just before I felt Jasper try to calm me. "What?" I snapped. _Cool it, Fi._

"We actually don't sleep." It took me a moment before it clicked, I sat bolt-up and ended up shooting off the ground. I _so_ had my new strength under control, completely.

"_Ever?_" Jasper nodded, trying to calm me again and I batted the feelings away. "You mean I can't even fucking escape from this nightmare for even the tiniest fraction of a second? Not ever?" My mind was vast now, I had discovered, and suddenly I could see forever. And it was, well, eternal. And I would be awake for every. Single. Second. This was the longest day of my life and would always get longer. It would never stop. I suddenly felt like I was being crushed, and I tried to take a deep breath. I again was accosted by how foreign my unnecessary breathing felt and that was it. I was gone. I know I sobbed dry sobs for a while, shaking and striking at anything near me, while Jasper and Alice tried to reach me anyway they could. The terror of my situation nearly drove me from my body again. I don't clearly remember the time between then and running to the house, but at some point my mind zeroed in on Laurent.

Laurent had done this to me, he had killed me. I was going to kill him. I was going to kill myself. Or he would. I would kill Laurent. This litany of violent thoughts circled round my head like an echo. I think Jasper caught my murderous, suicidal despair a split second before I sprang to my feet and flew back towards the house. He and Alice never stood a chance at catching me. I arrived what could have been minutes later, and didn't bother to open the door. I went through it.

I hit something hard and sent it flying, and then I stopped, smelling the air for my prey and my salvation. My prayers were answered as the source of the scent appeared in seconds. Everything was still for one dreadful moment and then I sprang at him, knocking him through the window and out into the not-darkness. I heard a terrible primal shriek of rage and fear and did not realize until long after that the source was me. I struck the black-haired vampire in face, over and over until a strong pair of arms grabbed me round the waist and pulled me off him. He had just enough time to jump to his feet before I elbowed my captor in the face and kicked him away from me. Then I lunged at Laurent again. This time I grabbed him around the neck and squeezed as hard as possible. Not satisfied with this, I threw him against a tree like a ragdoll. There was a great crack as vampire struck wood, and I did not know if it was him or the tree. He got up and stood there as I attacked with hands curved like claws. I scratched at him and saw glistening trails of something left behind. It wasn't blood but it would do. I clawed his face and spat and hissed like a demonic cat, but then the strong arms encircled me again, this time clamped over my own deceptively thin limbs. I screamed and hissed.

"Let me go! Let me go!" I kept my eyes on Laurent the whole time as I struggled and writhed. "Why don't you fight me? Fight back you fucking coward! Fucking murderer!" He didn't respond.

"Fiona, calm down!" said the pair of arms. I butted him with the back of my head but the arms didn't loosen.

"I'll kill you, you hear me? Fight me like a man! Fight back! Come one! KILL ME!" I screamed. Laurent's face finally changed from pathetic to shocked. "KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME!'" Alice and Jasper had found us and suddenly the arms had me on the ground and all three were pinning me so I couldn't move. "KILL ME!" I don't know long I was like that, but after a while I stopped fighting and sobbed. Vampires can't sleep, but that was the closest I think one has come to unconsciousness.

As I slowly came to my senses, I could hear Carlisle and another woman vampire talking to Laurent.

"I understand you're worried, but you are the last thing she needs right now—"

"Worried? She was trying to get me to kill her! If I thought killing me would make her feel better, I'd light a fire right now, but she clearly could have and didn't. She needs to understand—"

"She is not capable of understanding you or your feelings right now. She has become a monster and she was already clearly suffering some mental problems," _Hey. _"She does not need to understand you or anything that motivated you. She needs a friend, not a lover or creator. Can you get that through your skull?" This was the female ranting. I couldn't see her, but her voice was bitter. The booming voice of my earlier captor nearly made me jump out of my skin as he spoke from somewhere above my head, where he had pinned my arms.

"I think you should go with Esme. Hunt again. Do something, but do it away from here. I can't keep trying to hold her back." I heard some rustling then nothing. I opened my eyes. My captor looked down at me. It was the big man I had noticed upon waking up. He gave me a goofy grin, but I could see sincere concern behind it.

"Are we calm yet, killer?" I growled at him.

"Don't call her a killer Emmett, it's a trigger word." It was Edward's voice. He had come by earlier, tried to apply his mind-reading and psychiatry degree to me. Not sure there was training for that and my abilities had somewhat stymied his own capacity for hearing the thoughts of others. I wasn't sure if I liked him or not.

"Don't talk about me like I'm not hear, and don't try to shrink my head." _He's not my therapist. Shit. I missed an appointment. Wow, I think that goes under the "least of my concerns" category._ I heard Edward chuckle. I stuck my tongue out.

"If I promise not to kill Laurent, can I get up?" I felt several emotional and mental reactions, but I tried to pull away from everyone as much as possible. "Wish I could turn this off." I muttered.

"Tell me about it." said Jasper and Edward simultaneously. I struggled against the hands holding me.

"Please let me up?" I really hated feeling constricted and was feeling the claustrophobia and helplessness set in. Jasper let go instantly, the large guy and Alice followed.

I jumped up instantly, once more underestimating my strength and shooting up like a rocket. I landed easily enough, and looked at the three vampires who had restrained me. My eyes settled on the large one.

"It took three of you to hold me down? I would think the one of you would be plenty." The hulk wagged his finger at me.

"Give it a year, newborn, and we'll have ourselves a rematch." There was no threat in his voice. I took a deep breath and surveyed my surroundings. Alice and Jasper were eyeing me, wary, but I sensed no judgment or anger. Carlisle stood not far beyond us with a beautiful blonde woman, whose voice I knew was the one that had admonished Laurent. I could sense the anger and sadness in her soul. Something about her drew me. I felt perhaps we could be friends.

"What's your name?" I asked, looking in her direction. I felt surprise and tried hard to block my ability.

"Rosalie. And you're Fiona." I nodded.

"I was." I said sadly. "Fiona O'Malley." I saw Jasper wince just after I felt him mirror my sadness, which made me wince and set off an odd mirror reaction. Jasper shook himself like a dog. His mate giggled and looked at him questioningly.

"I'm really trying, I swear." The giant shared a look of confusion with Rosalie, and I felt the same sort of connection between them as between Jasper and Alice.

"And we thought it was bad with Edward and Alice around." Said the big one. _They don't like me? What did I do?_

"Emmett didn't mean he didn't like you," said Edward, and the big one, Emmett, winced.

"Oh no, not what I meant at all. It's just that between Edward's mind-reading, and Alice's visions, there's a lot of silent conversations in this family. It's confusing as hell."

"Oh. Sorry." I sat down cross-legged on the ground. Rosalie crossed over and joined me with a small smile.

"I'm guessing you have some questions, but how about we just cover some basics for now?" her gentle tone made me want to break down and cry, but I had no tears. I wanted so much to sleep and face this all tomorrow. But there was no tomorrow, not anymore. This was the last day of my life, just as I had thought. _Be careful what you wish for, _I thought. Edward stiffened. _Shit. Look, it's not what you think so butt out. I mean, look. Never mind._ Edward watched me, but did not question. I focused back on Rosalie.

"How old are all of you?" I blurted out, kicking myself mentally. I heard Jasper and Alice laugh, while Emmett let out a low, rumbling chuckle. Rosalie smiled.

"I'm about a hundred." I blinked. _Okay, I knew they'd be older. And one hundred, there's people older than that. _"Edward's about 112, Alice is 90, Emmett's roughly 85, Esme's around 105, Jasper's maybe 150?" Jasper nodded. I swallowed.

"Wow."

"And Carlisle's 400."

"WHAT?" I gaped at Carlisle, open-mouthed. I had seen him at Forks hospital when visiting Sari and had thought he must have been a student or something. 400. Wow.

"I can tell you about it, sometime when you feel like hearing a long story."

I nodded, while Rosalie smirked a little at my expression. "Okay, next question…why am I stronger than your….partner? Emmett?" She looked surprised that I knew that, but answered.

"You're a newborn. For your first year as a vampire, you still have your own human blood, which leaves you very strong, and faster than the average vampire. But newborns also have exacerbated emotions and shorter attention spans. Things will be more normal after your first year."

"Define normal." I muttered. I sat silent for a while, although it seemed as if no time had passed. No one moved, and it took me sometime to realize that I myself had not so much as blinked.

"What do I do now?" I murmured.


End file.
